Child Neglect!

The issue of Child Neglect surfaces from time to time in our media, and generally stirs up a great deal of emotion. Children today are regarded by the great majority of the community as very precious, as is evidenced by the great lengths that we go to to avoid any possibility of child abuse. Probably the lowest form of life by today's standards is someone identified as a paedophile!

Child neglect is not always as easy to identify as child abuse. The symptoms are not usually as obvious. But, long term it can have consequences that are almost as serious. Sometimes it can even lead to death, as with the child locked in a car while its mother went shopping.

Usually, it is only the worst cases of child neglect that reach the media. Last week there was a story of a mother who left her young family at home to fend for themrselves while she went on an overseas holiday with her boyfriend. Sometimes there are stories of children without adequate food or clothing because their parents spend everything on drugs or gambling. Most cases of neglect come from what we might regard as the lower socioeconomic strata of society.

Yet, I saw recently a report on some research that suggested that there were a significant number of children from what would be called "wealthy" families, who were showing severe signs of neglect. In their case it was not material neglect that was the problem. They usually were swamped with material possessions. It was, however, emotional neglect, the lack of time spent in relationship with their parents or other caring adults that stunted their emotional development.

In a suburb such as ours, where financial pressures are very high, and the need for both parents to work long hours for either financial or personal reasons is very great, it is not easy to find adequate time to relate to children. There is a very real danger of child neglect in the area of relationship time.

Thankfully, most of the young families I know are aware of the problem and are making a real effort to avoid it. However, there is another form of Child Neglect that is potentially even more serious, and is, sadly, very widespread in this area. Many lovely families, who are diligent in caring for their children, and developing them in a wide variety of ways; who deliberately spend quality time with their children, often at personal cost, are nevertheless guilty of this most serious form of neglect.

This may sound very harsh, but I am referring to the child's spiritual development. I imagine that most people reading this give at least lip service to the notion that we are spiritual beings. You will probably have been baptized yourself and had your child baptized. You will probably have had prayers said at your wedding, and most likely will have prayed yourself at some significant point in your life.

However, the spiritual side of our life, as spelled out in the Baptism Service, is far more than a few prayers offered over a lifetime. The opening sentence of the Baptism Service reminds us that we are called to be disciples, or followers of Jesus, the only Son of the one true God. That requires us to turn from our sin in following the devil, the false values of the world, and our own fleshly desires. It demands a belief in the core teachings of the Christian faith and a commitment to a faithful, lifelong service to God. Above all, we pray for spiritual rebirth in the one being baptized, that their spiritual nature might be brought to life by God's Holy Spirit.

In the closing prayer for God's blessing on our homes, we ask that he might: "Help parents to impart the knowledge of {him} and {his} love." Unfortunately it is in this area that the greatest peoblem of child neglect is to be found. As I look back through the records of those who have been baptized at St Mark's, there are very few who have maintained any on-going relationship with the churfch. Most have not even made it to Sunday School (M & Ms), much less a real living faith as a young adult.

Usually, when I have spoken to parents about this, the standard response is that they are too busy with other aspects of their life. While I appreciate the time pressures that are upon young families today, it cannot, must not be used as an excuse for this most serious form of child neglect.

With such attitudes widespread in the community, it is no wonder that our children are easy prey for the drug and sex culture that once was a threat to teenagers but now is confronting pre-teenagers. Children whose spiritual development has been neglected, rarely have the moral strength to withstand the media hype and the peer pressure directed against them.

We need to be laying a solid foundation of God's word in our children. We need to surround them with and cultivate the fruit of the Spirit.  We need to surround them with a strong support network of Christian peers. And, above all, we need to set them the example of our own walk with God.

I am happy to assist any who may need help in this most important area of your child's development.

John Davies

23 February 2003